Wow! Was the Oaks full of symbolism for my family or what!
In the fourth gate Gabby's Golden Gal lines up. The 5 horse was scratched, so the 6 horse, Rachel Alexandra lines up in the next gate.
Who could have ever imagined that both my kids' names would be represented in the Run for the Lilies?
So Gabby broke well and lead for a part of the race, but Rachel came on strong and won by 20½ lengths. Gabby ended up finishing 2nd to last.
In my real life Gaby threatened early, but thankfully she won't be winning any races just yet. In a perfect world Rachel would have won, and Gabby would have come in second, but seriously, Gaby doesn't need to be rushing things these days.
I am being torn in half. I am in the hospital to give the best chance possible to baby Gaby. It is the right thing to do, the right place to be. In doing so, however, I am neglecting Rachel. I have not been able to fulfill my duty to her as her mother for 2½ months, and I feel that I am losing her. It breaks my heart when she will not come to me for comfort. She only finds solace in her daddy's arms. Don't get me wrong. I want her to find comfort with Jeff, I just want her to find comfort with me too, and now she doesn't.
On the one hand, this cannot end soon enough. I want desperately to go home and try to restore my relationship with Rachel. But on the other hand, such thoughts make me feel guilty because I also want to give Gaby her best chance possible. I understand that at the moment Gaby's situation is the most urgent, but I am being torn by my children's opposite needs.
Dr. Bell came to see me today. Nothing really new, but she did ask me if I'm feeling all the contractions I've had lately. I feel some, not others. I asked her about wheelchair rides. I expected her to say no, but when I told her I just wanted the rides for Rachel she said we could go ahead and give it a try. So I'm glad about that. The only stipulations are to keep them short, and I agreed to only go with Rachel. It's really for her more than for me.
We are very glad that we now have a permanent solution for watching Rachel. We are so grateful to the people who have helped us to care for Rachel while I'm in the hospital. Now Jeff's cousin is moving back here for a while, and she agreed to watch Rachel every day until this whole thing is over. Hopefully that will work out well.
Dr. Wilson came to see me this morning. Not much new with me, but she just got back from a vacation to Disney World with her family.
I had a one day reprieve. No shots of terbutaline yesterday, but that didn't last too long. I got another shot this morning. The nurse tried to avoid it, but after 2½ hours on the monitor, and I was having contractions like every four minutes, she finally called the doctor who said to go ahead and give me the shot. When she came in with the shot I jokingly told her she couldn't come in. That's when she told me what would happen if the terb stopped working. The next step would be magnesium sulfate, which would be an IV, and I wouldn't be able to get out of bed for anything any more. So I said go ahead with the shot. I'm cool with that. The contractions stopped pretty much immediately.
Rachel is doing much better. Let's hear it for modern medicine. (Both for Rachel and for me.) She came to see me last night. (I really needed to see her.) You could see the droopiness in her eyes, but she was mostly okay. She had a couple of moody moments, but overall was pretty good. At one point she wanted a drink, and got a hold of my freshly filled water pitcher. As it poured all over the floor she got kind of upset. But after a little bit she felt better.
Rachel is having a tough time. She still had a fever this morning, so Jeff called the pediatrician's office and got Rachel an appointment at 9:30. Jeff's mom took her to the doctor, and Rachel was diagnosed with an ear infection in both ears. The doctor gave her a prescription for an antibiotic. I hate being out of commission with Rachel sick. Hopefully we can get Rachel back to her healthy, happy self really soon.
Dr. Hill came to see me this morning. Nothing new with me. I haven't had any terbutaline today. (The day is not over yet, though.)
This morning Dr. Alumbaugh came in to see me. She was concerned that I have been having so many contractions lately. She decided to test me to see if I had a UTI, which could be the cause. So I was tested, but it came back negative. Turns out my uterus is still to blame.
And today was no different. During my morning monitoring session I was contracting again. It wasn't too bad, but it was bad enough that they decided to hit me with another shot of terbutaline. Can you get addicted to that stuff? I can't seem to make it through a day without it anymore. I have had at least one shot every day since (and including) Friday. As long as it works to stop my labor it's okay, and so far it seems to be working fine.
Yesterday on her way home from Grandma's, Rachel threw up. (Sorry about your car Grandma!) Jeff decided to stay home with her in the morning to see how her tummy would last, and then send her to her little friend's house in the afternoon, but then she threw up again right before she went to bed. We decided that Rachel should spend the whole day at home. I didn't really want Jeff to have to miss an entire day of work, so I found a friend who didn't have small children who could watch Rachel in the afternoon. Hopefully she will be all better, and be back to her traveling ways tomorrow.
Today I achieved the milestone of reaching 32 weeks. If I would not have gone home before, I would be going home today. But I'm not. To commemorate the 32 week milestone I had an ultrasound this morning. Okay, it wasn't really to commemorate anything, but the doctor ordered it, so I went.
Things I learned because of the ultrasound: 1. Baby Gaby will not be a bald baby. She has a lot of hair. Any guesses as to the color? 2. Baby Gaby weighs 3 lbs. 15 oz. That measures at 31 weeks 6 days, so basically right on track.
Today makes 1 week since my return to the hospital. Two (who am I kidding? more likely four) weeks to go until I get to go home again - if I last that long.
Dr. Schweichler came to see me this morning. She didn't really have anything new to tell me. She did say that it is great that I've made it to 32 weeks. Do you realize this whole thing started 10 weeks ago tomorrow?
I get my progesterone shot today. I used to get it Wednesday nights, but things got switched up with my brief hiatus at home. Now I get it Monday mornings. So at 10:00 (or so) you can think kind thoughts. Speaking of shots, I have gotten 5 shots of terbutaline since Friday. Two on Friday, two on Saturday, and one yesterday (Sunday). Can you say "pincushion?"
These pictures are from a couple of days ago - Saturday. Rachel and Jeff came to visit me, and were here when my lunch arrived. Rachel saw that giant rice krispie treat, and made herself right at home. Jeff ate some of it too. Thankfully they left some for me.
Jeff just blogged about contractions. He meant something different. He's talking about combining two words using an apostrophe. I'm blogging about contractions too, but I mean the kind that make a person have a baby.
I am monitored three times a day for about 45 minutes to an hour each time. During that time they listen to the baby's heartbeat, and they watch my contractions, or preferably lack thereof. Well yesterday during the morning and the night monitoring I was contracting enough that they came in with a shot of terbutaline. If you have never had the pleasure, let me assure you it is a slightly painful shot. It's not nearly as bad as the progesterone, but still, it burns. I checked the internet to see if there was a full moon, but there wasn't. In fact there was a new moon last night. That's like the opposite.
But I wasn't alone. Turns out many of my fellow inmates suffered the same fate. The nurses were scurrying around trying to keep babies on the inside where they belong.
Dr. Horlander came in to see me again, and she reported that she had quite a busy night last night too. Babies everywhere.
Funny story. After Dr. Horlander left I got up to use the bathroom. (A perfectly acceptable thing to do.) As I was going back to bed she stuck her head in, and thought she had caught me red-handed violating my rules. I told her that I promised I had just gone to the bathroom. But I swear, I never felt so guilty for answering nature's call! Okay, it wasn't that funny of a story, but I tried to find something different to talk about for a change.
I wish people would stop saying that I "failed at-home bed rest therapy." So what if it's true? At first nobody said "fail," but now everybody is throwing that phrase around about me.
Dr. Horlander came to see me this morning. She told me that I'm in good company, because she failed at-home bed rest therapy too. We decided to change the phrase to "postponed success." Very PC, don't you think?
Next Saturday is the Kentucky Derby. I think I'm going to have a party. Bring chips and drinks, and we'll watch the Derby from my hospital room.
This weekend is the Rolex Three Day Event in Lexington. If you want to see it, it will be covered on Sunday May 3 on NBC from 5:00 to 6:00 Eastern Time.
With all these plans for next weekend, I sure hope Gaby doesn't come before then!
As long as I'm planning for the future, the Kentucky Scottish Weekend is coming up May 8 and 9. I have been wanting to take Jeff there ever since we got married, but every single year something comes up making it impossible. This year is no exception.
I had kind of an exciting morning this morning. Dr. Bell came in to see me. It was before 8:00. She didn't really have anything new to tell me, but she implied the 36 week target for me. Shortly afterward my nurse came in to monitor me and the baby. I didn't really notice it that much, but the nurse said I was having contractions. Six per hour is kind of the limit of what is acceptable, and she counted 4 in a half an hour. So she called my doctor and got an order to give me another shot of terbutaline. That's my first time for this particular hospital stay.
I asked the nurse about what the story is with Braxton-Hicks contractions. I thought they were no big deal. She said the only way to tell the difference between Braxton-Hicks and true labor is what it does to my cervix, which (thankfully) they will leave alone for now. So basically the idea is to stop all contractions, just in case.
Now that I am an experienced hospital dweller, I am learning some of the tricks to make this place better. One thing I have learned is if I want it, ask for it. I don't have to wait for somebody to offer it.
1. I get chocolate milk whenever I want (which is rather frequently). 2. I get rice krispie treats. The ones I've gotten lately aren't as big as last time, but today for lunch they gave me two. 3. I get ice cream. I'm limited to vanilla, chocolate and strawberry unless I can convince somebody to buy me a specialty flavor, but I can live with the simple flavors. 4. That's about it.
Today I got a visitor from the "Family and Pregnancy Educator" who supposedly taught me how to nurse. For some reason I don't think I'll really get it until there is actually a real baby involved.
Dr. Hill came to see me today. Nothing new. I guess it is rather up in the air if I am sent home at 34 weeks or 36 weeks or whenever. They will reevaluate me when I get to 34 weeks. I guess I'll learn my fate then.
